Laff-it-Out



A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it’s a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they
crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So — you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must
have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”
The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God.” The rabbi continues, “And look at this. Here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and
celebrate our good fortune.” He hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi
takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, “Aren’t you having any?” The rabbi replies, “No . . . I think
I’ll wait for the police.”
The Rabbi and his Wife
The Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house. The Rabbi came across a
box he didn’t recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone, it was personal. One day, she was out and his curiosity got the better of him. He opened the box and inside he found 3 eggs and $2000.
When his wife came home, he admitted that he had opened the box and asked her to explain the contents to him.
She told him, every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the
box. He thought to himself, “In twenty years, only three bad sermons, that’s not bad.” His wife continued, “And every time I got a dozen eggs, I would sell them for $1.”
A man walked to the top of a hill to talk to G-d. The man asked, “G-d, what’s a million years to you?”
And G-d said “A minute.” Then the man asked: “Well, what’s a million dollars to you?” and G-d said: “A penny”. Then the man asked: “G-d, can I have a penny?”
And G-d said: “Sure, In a minute.”

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